


Paragon Of Imperfections

by Malevolance



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Lack of confidence, M/M, Sad but not that much, Social expectations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:51:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9823400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malevolance/pseuds/Malevolance
Summary: Sehun was breathless by the time Jongin pulled back. He opened his closed eyes to see that Jongin had that same look. Fondness and affection. Then, Jongin answered his question, saying the exact same words that had troubled Sehun, yet now made him smile.“Because you’re mine”They were both imperfect, yet they saw in each other what others did not see in them. To Jongin, Sehun was perfect. To Sehun, Jongin was perfect. Together, they were happy, and nothing else mattered.





	

****

**P** **aragon of Imperfections**

By Malevolance

 

* * *

 

 

_I did not think a day like this would ever come._

_A day when my own feelings would burden me and torment me._

_A day when I would be afraid of what my lips would say._

_A day when I would be in love, one sidedly._

 

**“Hey Jongin, how was your day?”**

**“Jongin-ah! You were awesome in the dance performance yesterday!”**

**“Jongin, do you want to hang out sometime?”**

 

These questions and compliments were an everyday thing for Kim Jongin, the school’s heartthrob. He was perfect. Handsome, talented, smart and kind. He was not selfish and was quite modest when receiving love confessions. Everyone loved him. Everyone was friends with him and he was friendly with everyone. He liked to sit in the seat at the very back of the class, and as soon as the teaching session ended, everyone would flock around him. They were attracted by his light maybe, for he was the light of the class.

The only thing they could not get from him was his heart.

Many were the courageous girls who confessed their affection, many were the people who left love letters in his locker, and chocolates at Valentine’s Day, cards wishing him happy birthday and so on. However, Kim Jongin always politely rejected those affections. He always knew what to say to make them feel better while setting boundaries.

Was his heart already taken? Had he already someone on his mind?

No one knew. Suddenly, the light of their life seemed more mysterious to them. They respected his decision and everything was back to normal soon enough. That did not mean people would stop falling in love with him. It was a normal process, he would smile at you once, and butterflies would dance about your stomach, you would feel giddy and happy for no reason. Kim Jongin will always have his way under people’s skin, no matter how hard you try.

Sometimes, Jongin wants to be alone for a while.

Therefore, he goes to the school’s library, and he basks in the quiet mood that lets his thoughts run freely. No one notices how, at times, Jongin does not have that shine in his eyes anymore, that his smile does not quite reach his ears and how we would fidget, wanting to go away from all of this. All the attention he gets is nerve-wracking. He was forced into this person that he does not relate to.

He is not kind. He is just as nice as any other can be. He is not perfect, he has many flaws yet he just hides them well, like any other can. He is not talented. He works hard at night to compensate for what he lacks. Jongin does not know why everyone describes him with words he is not worthy of.

He liked to rebel, and prove them wrong. However, not in front of them.

Let us say, that the kind Jongin that they know, had once seen a boy getting beat up on the way from his part time job, and thrown against the alley wall with a harsh kick to the abdomen, before the bullies left. Jongin did not help him, even if the poor boy had asked for help in whimpers.

The perfect Jongin that they know is depressed and had more than once attempted to end his life. His parents don’t know what was wrong, neither does he. Jongin feels that living as this perfect person they want him to be, is not living at all. He has his own flaws and scars, and he dreads the day anyone would find out about them.

Maybe he should show his true colors and be honest, but then again, everyone would leave. He would be lonely. Maybe having friends is better than having none at all. That is why he tried to live up to the expectations, every day, and attempt to find a little happiness. At home, his parents try to get along with him and understand him. He cannot even understand himself.

He is happy, seconds later he cries alone in the bathroom. He smiles, and then it turns into a frown. He thinks of all the good memories, and the bad ones. Kim Jongin is just human, and he needs someone to tell him that. That it is okay, that he was normal and he was still special.

 

**“Jonginnie, Let’s go play!”**

**“Jongin-ah, you’re still sleeping over on Sunday right?”**

**“Jongin, do you hate me too?** ”

 

That someone goes by the name of Oh Sehun. He was Jongin’s best friend, or at least he considered himself so, seeing as he had witnessed all of Jongin. When he was happy or when he was sad. Their friendship started way back, when they were two clumsy twelve yearolds who played with mud on rainy days and returned home soaking wet, but with smiling faces. They were inseparable. At least, that’s what Sehun thought.

Jongin had been too much into this role play of perfection, that he had completely abandoned his so-called best friend. Plans would be cancelled. Jongin wouldn’t hang out with him anymore, not even at school. Sehun thought that Jongin must be ashamed of him and that hurt him more than anything did. Sehun wasn’t as handsome as Jongin was, his pale skin was often ridiculed for being ghostly pale, and his features were too feminine. Sehun certainly wasn’t as smart, spending nights at the library or cramming at home barely got him average marks.

Sehun thought that he wasn’t as perfect, that is why Jongin refused to see him. However, he also thought that maybe, maybe all of this is a misunderstanding. Maybe Jongin was too busy, or forgetful. Maybe he did not mean all of this, and Sehun would hate to misunderstand the only person who had considered him as a friend, when everyone laughed at him.

That is why, Sehun stood now, in front of Jongin’s classroom door, waiting for Jongin, to ask him why. As always, Sehun spotted his friend getting out but with a group of people surrounding him. Sehun was too scared to call him, but he mustered up his courage and said, with a tiny frightful voice.

“Jongin-ah…”

Jongin looked at him, as well as all the surrounding people. Sehun was never the social person, he would often get anxiety attacks, and he certainly did not enjoy all the attention he was getting right now. Strange eyes looked at him, probably wondering who he was and why he was calling their Jongin. The tan male opened his mouth to respond to Sehun but other voices were the first to speak.

“Who are you? Jongin, do you know this scrawny kid?”

“Look at him, such a nerd. Jongin-ah, you don’t hang out with him right?”

“What are you still looking at ugly, go away from Jongin!”

Tears welled up in Sehun’s eyes. He understood now. Why Jongin would not see him anymore. He looked at Jongin one more time. Jongin had this look in his eyes that Sehun could not decipher. The pale boy smiled, even if his eyes betrayed his pain and walked away. He understood now, why Jongin would not see him anymore. He was not perfect.

Jongin must be ashamed to have a friend like him. That is why he left.

Only one tear dropped from Sehun’s eyes as he held on to his smile, trying to tell himself that it was okay. If Jongin was happy, then he should be happy too, right? Then why, why is this pain still there? Why was he not good enough, why was he born this way, why couldn’t he be one of them, why should he be the one to leave…?

Now Sehun was the one who was ashamed of himself.

Because, not only did he lose a friend, but he also was heartbroken.

Sehun never voiced his feelings to Jongin, he never told him that he saw him more than just a friend, and that Jongin was the bright moon in Sehun’s sky. He kept silent, for he knew his love would forever be unrequited. However, he did not know that it would hurt this much. It was as if he gave his heart, but the other pinched it to death and threw it back at him. It hurt even more to know that he unworthy, since the beginning.

Sehun was mistaken. He thought he was special, because Jongin had shown him everything that others do not know. He was the first to console Jongin when he was depressed, the first to run to the hospital when Jongin hurts himself again. He had seen it all, been there with him through it all, but clearly it did not mean anything.

Sehun got his hopes up for no reason. It was his fault.

When Sehun got home, he spent the day locked up in his bathroom, staring blankly at the mirror. His hand touched his cheek. The skin was not as soft as it should be. His lips looked chapped, and his features suddenly appeared more unattractive and…ugly. Sehun began sobbing loudly. His mother must have heard, for she is now banging on the bathroom door, begging Sehun to open the door and tell her what was wrong.

Everything was wrong. Sehun thought.

When Sehun’s mother finally managed to open the door, she found her son crouched on the floor, cradling his knees. She knew something was wrong, something must have happened, so she hugged him tightly and whispered calming words in his ears. Sehun had always been weak, physically and mentally, something he got from years of being teased. When Jongin came, he changed. He began smiling a lot more.

She knew.

That the person who gave Sehun his smile back must have been the one who took it away.

 

**“Jongin, Sehun came back home crying, is everything okay?”**

**“Jongin, darling, please tell me did something happen?”**

**“Jongin, Sehun is sick”**

 

Jongin was shocked to hear those words. He was about to go to Sehun at school but when his friends started talking, he found himself unable to say anything and he hates himself for that. He made his only true friend cry. He is no different from those scumbags who used to bully the pale boy. He promised it would be different, that it was going to be okay. Sehun was special to him.

Yet he failed to protect him because he was a coward.

A coward who was afraid to yell that he was not what they want him to be. A coward who cannot protect the only person who cares about him. Sehun was always there for him, and Jongin was not. Who always told him how nice and beautiful he was when depression kicked in, it was Sehun. Who arrived first at the hospital when he had cut himself again, it was Sehun. It was always Sehun.

Fists clinched to his sides, Jongin had told those stupid people he called friends to shut the fuck up. They were startled, looking at him as if he grew a pair of horns, as if he was a complete different person. They were wrong, this is the real him. The real Jongin who was afraid to show himself before.

Jongin walked away. Away from those selfish people. He walked faster, following the path he knew by heart. The path to Sehun’s home. He could not care less about whether they will make fun of him the next days. Jongin wanted to be…Jongin. The kid who gets frustrated easily and attempted suicide in middle school, the kid who was friends with Oh Sehun.

The Kim Jongin who absolutely loved it when Sehun smiled, and even more when that smile was directed at him.

When he arrived at Sehun’s house, a disheveled Mrs. Oh opened the door and let him in. She looked at Jongin desperately, silently begging him to do something, anything. Jongin looked from her to the stairs he was so familiar with. The stairs that let to Sehun’s room. The room he had spent countless of nights in before he was caught in being the role model. The room where he had shed countless of tears when he felt as if he was not good enough and Sehun consoled him.

The door to the room was open and Jongin got inside.

Jongin’s heart shattered when he heard the soft sobs coming from the silhouette on the bed, hidden under the duvets.

Without thinking, Jongin headed to the empty side of the bed, and laid there, taking the duvet in his hand. Sehun opened his eyes when he felt the bed dip beside him. He looked at Jongin for a while and Jongin looked at him. Jongin wiped the other’s stained cheeks, palm thumb caressing the skin gently.

“I’m sorry Sehun-ah. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.” Jongin said, while putting his forehead against Sehun’s. It was a gesture. Something they always did to say **sorry** , **forgive me** and **I will be better**.

“What they said was true anyways. I do not deserve to be by your side, I am not as handsome, I am…I am not that smart and – “Sehun’s voice cracked at the end, unable to finish.

“But Sehun-ah, I don’t care about what they say anymore” Jongin managed to smile through the tears flowing down his cheeks. “You are perfect to me”

Sehun does not know how or why, but the pain he felt dulled as he took in the words he always wanted to hear. He was perfect. He was good enough, for one person. Sehun lifted his hand and wiped Jongin’s cheeks too.

“Stupid, why are you crying” Sehun said with a slight smile.

“Remember that time when you rushed into my hospital room, and you were crying, begging me to stay. Sehun-ah, I want you to know that I was ready to die back then but your voice brought me back to life. When I opened my eyes, you cried. I promised myself then that I would never make you cry again. I know you have been through a lot and so have I. I thought that if I stayed by your side as the perfect person then –“

“Then what?”

“Then no one would lay their eyes or hands on you. Because you are mine. But I got caught up in everything and I hurt you, I’m so sorry”

Sehun stayed silent. The words danced around in his head. He did not know whether Jongin said it in a friendly way or was it something more. Sehun does not want to get his hopes up again. It hurts too much. That is why he whispered “It’s okay” to Jongin and smiled at him.

Jongin smiled too.

Everything was okay again.

 

**“Did you see those two?”**

**“Jongin is a nerd too now?”**

**“I thought he was cool but I guess not”**

 

Sehun was quite surprised when Jongin insisted they go to school together. On their way, Jongin’s warm hands found his own, and held it tight. Sehun was certainly in love, he knew it by the way his heartbeat in his chest, and by the warm happy feelings ignited by a simple touch of hands. Jongin was trying to make amends, no more no less.

The fingers tightening on his meant … nothing.

Jongin spent the day together with Sehun, hands never leaving his own. Sehun noticed all the stares and the sneaky remarks and he is sure his friend did too. Jongin was unaffected yet Sehun was. Jongin was abandoning his friends and reputation just to be with Sehun and the pale boy thought it was too much. He was not worth it.

“Jongin…” Sehun called him and Jongin looked at him with a hum.

“You don’t have to leave your friends just because of me. I’m okay now, you shouldn’t –“

“Sehun-ah, they weren’t my friends to begin with. I was not me when I was with them, I was what they wanted me to be, and I really want to go back to the real me now”

Jongin’s eyes were determined, and the hold on Sehun’s hand tightened.

“Besides, I cannot, no. I will not leave you again”

“And why is that?” Sehun asked.

Suddenly Jongin was close, too close. Sehun could count the few centimeters between their lips. Sehun’s breath hitched as Jongin dipped in. Warm lips touched his and they moved together, creating sparks and shudders all over Sehun’s body. Jongin’s palm on his cheek was warm as he moved his lips against Sehun’s. Nothing felt better and nothing felt more exhilarating. It was Sehun’s first kiss, with the one he loved.

Sehun was breathless by the time Jongin pulled back. He opened his closed eyes to see that Jongin had that same look. Fondness and affection. Then, Jongin answered his question, saying the exact same words that had troubled Sehun, yet now made him smile.

“Because you’re mine”

They were both imperfect, yet they saw in each other what others did not see in them. To Jongin, Sehun was perfect. To Sehun, Jongin was perfect. Together, they were happy, and nothing else mattered.

 

**the end.**

* * *

 

 

**_Had fun writing this. Got a bit sad too. It is okay._ **

**_Leave me some comments please!_ **

 

**_and check out my other stories! they're all sekai ;)_ **

 


End file.
